It's Getting Better

I hesitate to admit it, but I'm feeling a whole lot better these days. I wake up in the morning and don't dread getting out of bed (now its the chill in the air that keeps me under the covers until I must get up). I eat breakfast, walk the dogs, do some chores, have the desire to keep my house clean again, and all without anxiety. I still have my moments, but they are much less severe and come less often, sometimes days. It's heavenly. I'm slowly tapering off the Ativan, cutting back a quarter of a pill every 5 days and am currently down to .75 mg.

So how did I get back to being a normal person? I don't know! That's how it works. I kept doing the things a "normal" person would do, going to work, shopping, paying bills, all with the anxiety, and then one day the fear and dread wasn't there. It's a fabulous feeling not being afraid of your own body and mind. The hell of it is that I'm never sure when it will come back. For now, I'll just enjoy every moment in remission. Today I have plans to clean my house from top to bottom (well, side to side). If both my girls are off today, perhaps we'll even indulge in lunch out, something we haven't done in months.

I feel like I'm standing on the outside of hell today, not wanting to glance back to see where I've been lest I am sucked back into the dark side. Happy days are here again!!!