The evils of Ativan

If you can avoid it, do. I wish I had never started taking it. If you'll recall, in August 2008 during yet another anxiety phase (there are way too many), I finally gave in and begged for relief with a benzodiazepine. The doctor gave me Ativan - 3mg a day! That's a lot of Ativan. It would have been okay had it done what I had hoped - made me feel good. It did for a couple days, then all hell broke loose in my body. Suicidal depression, anxiety, etc. Anyway, I started to taper off it after 3 weeks. January 1 I got down to .125mg, a quarter of a pill. I planned to stay there only 2 weeks, but I had an increase in anxiety and stayed on it - am still on it. 3 weeks ago I started having constant anxiety, unlike my usual anxiety. Nothing helped, not breathing exercises, not distraction, nothing. And its been getting worse. Last night I was online at a benzo recovery site and learned I'm having tolerance withdrawal, where the body gets used to the lower dose and wants more and throws a hissy fit to get it! So that's where I am. I have constant anxiety and now I need to get off the rest of the ativan. Last night I took 1/8 of a pill, but I'm thinking of just stopping it all together. I just don't know what to do. This is horrible. I'm scared to death that I'll have weeks, possibly months, of unbearable anxiety until the ativan is out of my system. I thought I knew hell before. NOW I really know hell. Sucks sucks sucks!!!