Another Day

Yeah, its another day. Its an anxious one, but there isn't a reason for it. I had a bit of good news yesterday - well good news/bad news/interesting news. I've been struggling with the tingly face, blurred vision from what I've come to learn is cipro toxicity, and all the research I've done seemed to suggest it was permanent. My sister, the doctor, has been trying to figure out how to reverse the effects once she was finally convinced it wasn't all in my head. Unable to come up with anything, she went with her last resort and called her "crazy" doctor friend who is a homeopath. She told him about the cipro and resulting effects of it. His first question to her was, does your sister have anxiety/panic disorder? She was taken aback and said yes. He went on to tell her that there is an impaired enzyme in many anxiety sufferers that keeps them from metabolizing about 56 percent of all drugs and given my drug intolerance history, he believed I was one of them. He also said he had seen and treated a number of cipro toxicity cases, all with positive results, and he does it with natural things. He's supposed to call me this afternoon to talk with me about it. He also told my sister that he'd like to start seeing me for my anxiety, that he's had good results with that as well! I'm skeptical, but will give it a shot. Bad thing is, he doesn't take any insurance so it will be all out of pocket. Oh well.

I was talking with my mom yesterday about this new doctor and she started remembering back to my first bad drug reaction. I was prescribed compezine for an ucky tummy in college. Shortly after I started taking it I began to have severe anxiety and paranoia. I'd climb the stairs to one of my classes and feel like I was going to die. My skin was always crawling. But I kept taking the pills, not putting two and two together. I also started seeing the school psychologist because I thought I was going crazy. After a few sessions, she surmised that it must be a parent issue and asked my mom and dad to come up (an hour drive) for a session. As we all sat there talking, I noticed that I couldn't stop smiling and looking up. My mother, having been a psychiatric nurse for many years, immediately recognized it as a reaction to the compezine - she'd seen it a lot in mental hospitals. So they rushed me to the campus ER and gave me benedryl IV and I was all better. No more compezine. I shudder to think what would have happened if circumstances hadn't been what they were! If my mother hadn't been there at that exact moment, would I be a drooling idiot today?

And then there was my journey through ssri's. Ah, anti-depressants! It still doesn't make sense to me to prescribe an anti-depressant for anxiety. The first one, prozac, worked okay for a few weeks. I didn't feel great on it, kind of like a zombie, but the anxiety seemed less. Until my body built up enough of it to become toxic! Then it was wave after wave of panic for days on end. No more prozac. My sister figured it was all in my mind. I wondered myself.

Next was Zoloft. Immediately after taking it I became so aggitated that I couldn't sit down. At the time my sister chalked it up to my mind again, but a few years later she tried it and had the same reaction. She believed me on that one.

A few years later I tried Celexa. I don't know if the other two had already wrecked my P-450 enzyme, but after 3 days on it I was suicidal. All I could do was sit in bed and rock, begging for someone to put me out of my misery. After that, no more anti-depressants - ever!

I stopped taking anything at that point. Now I'm glad I did. Who knows what damage I could have done if I'd taken anything else! Again, shudder!!!

So anyway, now I know. I did some internet research and found a list of drugs I should never take, and also found out the 7 to 10 percent of the population have impaired P-450 enzymes! If one of us is given even .5mg of warfarin (for blood clots, drugs like coumadin), it could make all the blood in our body no longer coagulate!!! SHUDDER!!!!!!

And I'm anxious today. I feel like I'm suffering from post traumatic stress. The whole - oh my god I'm going to go blind and my face will go numb and I'll look like I've had a stroke and god only knows what else will happen to other parts of my body - that had me terrified. I still worry about the lasting effects of the damned drug. And now I also have the fear of ever having to take another drug, what will that do to me! Ugh. I'm tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I could barely get out of bed this morning, and when I did, I hurried through the shower and sat back in bed, rocking for almost half an hour. I had 3 things I wanted to accomplish today - 2 loads of laundry, clean the litter box, and mail a package (which consisted of walking to the mailbox at the end of the driveway). I have accomplished the mail and will soon finish the laundry. No litter yet, but the cats would really appreciate it. God, I hate being immobilized with irrational fear!

Its a gorgeous day out and here I sit, in my rocking chair, afraid to venture from home, locked in my own little hell. When will it end?

From Hell to Nightmare

Its been quite some time since I've written. Things were going pretty well for a short time. The anxiety, while still present, was running in the background and allowing me to live a semi-normal life. I'd still get waves of panic at a store now and again, but for the most part I was okay. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. I'd had a pain in my right side for 3 weeks and decided to see a doctor about it. She did a urine test which came back with trace blood and white cells - an indicator of a urinary tract infection. So she started me on Cipro, an antibiotic. My drug phobia made it hellish to take those pills, but everyone said "Its only an antibiotic, they don't hurt anyone." So I took them. It was a 3 day course. The first day was okay. The second day my anxiety was high and I was jittery. The 3rd day I started feeling flushed in my face and my vision became out of tune. I finished the medicine. An hour later I got a call from the doctor's office saying the urine came back negative for infection from the lab! I didn't even know they were sending it to a lab! I thought the test in the office was accurate or I would have waited for the results! So fine, I took a drug I didn't need to take. Problem is, 2 weeks later and I still have tingling and numbness in my face and distorted vision! I looked online and found a site with 7 pages of people who had lifelong debilitation from taking Cipro or Cipro-like drugs, one of which was the face and vision problems! Now I'm scared to death that this is how I'm going to be forever! I'm depressed beyond depression. If I could end my life today, I would do it. I am a walking nerve right now, have been for the last 2 weeks. I was so desparate for relief that I prayed for the first time in years - one of those sobbing, pleading prayers. If only there were a god to hear it. Who knew that hell had deeper, darker rooms than just the standard one.