Oh, the holidays

I've been doing pretty well lately. The anxiety has been manageable - until yesterday. I haven't been sleeping well, and that makes my anxiety increase. Yesterday I took down the tree and my It's A Wonderful Life village. The village was on top of my entertainment center. And to put it away, it was all reaching, stretching and rearranging over my head on the top shelf in my closet. I strained the muscles in my upper back. Now, for a normal person, they'd take a couple Tylenol and chalk the pain up as just that - muscular. Not me. I'm afraid to take Tylenol, and even though I know the pain is probably a result of over-doing, I can't help but think it is something more ominous, like blood clot or heart attack. Last night I barely slept at all. The pain was gnawing at me, and there was a wind storm that scared the little dog and she kept me up the rest of the time. Today my anxiety is sky high. I'm tired, I'm in pain, and I'm anxious. For the last 2 years, on December 28 I've ended up in the Emergency room for panic-related problems. I'm trying really hard to resist the urge to carry on the tradition. I want to be taken care of, to be reassured that I'm all right. They do a wonderful job of that in the ER. God, I hate feeling like this. I have to be strong and its so hard to do with little or no sleep.

Hell is but a sleepless night away.