Benzo withdrawal

Last night I took my last Ativan. It was only a small piece, maybe .06mg - its hard to tell when the pieces get so small. I'm stopping now because the withdrawal symptoms aren't easing up. The idea is that you taper off slowly and level out at a dose, then taper some more. I've been at a smaller dose for weeks and don't ever level out, so I figure I'll stop screwing with it and just get off. I'm so tense and anxious today that I can barely stand it. My stomach is so tight I'm nauseated. I've lost weight because I don't feel like eating. It is one of the most horrible things I've ever gone through. Its so scary because I know there is nothing I can do to alleviate the symptoms besides going on another benzo, from which I will again have to taper off of, is not an option. I can't do this any more. But I don't have a choice. God its awful.

One of the problems is that no one believes its withdrawal. They don't know how poisonous these drugs are, that there is no easy way to get off of them. No one understands the suffering I'm going through. I have no motivation to tidy up, do dishes, do laundry, walk the dogs. People think I'm just being a lazy slob. They don't realize that I would love to do all those things, but I can't do it. I can barely get out of bed in the morning let alone do anything productive. I'm trapped in hell. There is no escape from the torture my mind is making my body go through. It scares me to the bone. I fear what tomorrow will bring with no ativan tonight. Can it possibly be worse? If it is, god help me. I don't know if I can survive. I honestly don't.