I'll Give You Something to Cry About!

Remember when you were a kid and spent the day whining about this and that until your mom finally turned to you and said, "If you don't be quiet I'll give you something to cry about!"? Well, I think Mother Earth or God or Karma has finally had enough of me whining about the invisible anxiety and has decided to give me something "real" to cry about! Because god knows, living with anxiety doesn't make ones life miserable enough. There is no true malady, no tangible evidence of disfunction, no outward signs of distress, so what is there to moan about? Well now I have something to cry about - not as apparent as say leprosy or gangrene - but a "real" problem. I have a compression fracture in my spine. Yes, I'm getting old. And yes, it hurts. Fate couldn't wait until my cipro toxicity symptoms cleared, or my renewed agoraphobia subsided; no, it had to keep piling it on. Heaven forbid I should have one thing to worry about at a time! I've known about it for about a week but figured it didn't hurt bad enough to worry about. Until yesterday when I overdid it. Perhaps carrying 20 pound bags of groceries was a bad idea. Now my side and back hurts pretty much constantly. I read about treatment for this particular injury and it says no lifting, bending or twisting, and often a back brace. How does one go through one's day without bending or twising? And if one buys groceries and no one is home, how does one get them into the house? I've seen so many doctors lately I could paper my bedroom walls with invoices. And yet it appears I need to see more, get their learned opinions on what I need to do for this newest malady. One suggests that the pain I have in my side may not be related to the fracture, so suggests a CT scan. Another feels further studies of the spine are in order, in the form of an MRI. At the insistance of my primary care doctor who screwed up and gave me the cipro, I was sent to a neurologist about the ever present face tingling and sight problem, who suggested an MRI of my head! His reasoning, "What if the sensations just coincidentally showed up when you took the cipro and its actually something else?" WTF! Its NOT! He's never heard of this reaction to cipro. He's obviously never googled it! So no head MRI for me.

All I want is to go back to plain old anxiety disorder. I'll even take the agoraphobia. I know how to deal with that. I want my face to feel normal, I want my eyes to function properly, I want to be able to bend or twist or pick up a gallon of milk, and I want to never see another doctor or have another test as long as I live! So who does one talk to about this? I spoke to God the other day and suggested He help me, but of course got no response. I've been sending out positive vibes into the universe but with no luck. What does one have to do to get a little positive energy into their lives?

Hell. It is apparently where I am destined to remain for the rest of my days. My only hope is that when I leave this planet there will be peace. Oh yes, I need to add depression to my list.